Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Losing things

Day 11 prompt here.

I have gone to the same church for my entire life.  I chose to give 18 months of my life being a missionary.  I did all the right things.

Being a military family, we move a lot.  And that means each ward/congregation has different people and things run differently.  I feel like I've been pretty good to adapting to whatever the local ward does, and doing my best to fill the needs that I can.  I used to be rock solid.

The older I get, the harder this is getting.  I'm seeing a lot of just not ok stuff that happens behind the scenes.  I'm getting tired of hearing the same old stuff with no improvements, or improvements taking years and years to change.

I'm losing my confidence and a bit of faith.  I get that all churches are run by men and women that aren't perfect, and I feel are truly doing what they think is best.  And I'm trying to focus on that and then do my best to be a voice for change, for progress.  I find that I don't fit in as well as I used to, And that is hard.  So I stick with safe callings, playing the piano for the kids.  I hope to get to a better place eventually.  I'm not sure if the latest move has made this change, or just that I am changing.  I'm trying to find a happy medium.  It's hard.  And a bit painful.  I'm not sure where this will take me. Right now, I'm going to try and speak up where I can, be a safe place for others that may be feeling the same, and being patient with myself and others as we all progress through this life.  Because it's just hard.

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