Saturday, July 31, 2010

I don't know how else to describe this

We waited. It was cold and foggy. We had signs, balloons, streamers. We had food, drinks. Our hair was done, houses cleaned, make up on. We waited some more.

Then, we saw a bus. And saw them. And then we waited more.

We were freezing.

They came around the corner, and we cheered!!!

Then, more waiting.

"Do you see yours?" "I can see mine." "I think that's him." "He is at the end of the first row."

We were listening for the magic words: Go join your family members!!!

I ran. I found him and we just came together. I have no idea what else was going on around me. We just held each other tight. He hadn't shaved in a few days. It was 0330, but I felt very awake. I thought I would cry, but I didn't. It was a feeling I had felt before, this feeling of peace and calm, that I know did not come from myself, as I had been a ball of anxious nerves for the last 12 hours.

We came home. He never went to sleep. It was the middle of the day for him. I slept and woke up (literally, I opened my eyes and he gave it to me) to a plate of scrambled cheese eggs and toast. He wants to pick up the kids.

I throw clothes on. I make a phone call. I tell him where to stand, got my camera ready. They had no idea dad would pick them up. It was a good morning.

I need to get to bed. But I want to remember this. Forever.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Last year

At about this time last year, this is what we were doing.

We were saying goodbye. For an entire year.
That year is about up.
There will be lots of hugging, and kissing, and crying. Pretty much the same as last year. Except this time it will be because he is coming back.
Excited doesn't even begin to describe it.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Showing off a bit

I have never really been able to "decorate" the inside of my home well. Mostly because we had no money, hand-me-down furniture, and my complete lack of skill. After nine years of marriage (and my deployment gift to myself. hey, he got two bikes!!) I finally got real adult furniture. Then I wanted some throw pillows. I went to my favorite store, Cost Plus World Market, and picked up a few. All but the one in the corner was on sale. Which is my favorite way to shop. Well, and the one on the right side we've had forever. I just keep it around for a pillow the kids can play with because it's just not as cool as the rest.

This is my dining room table. The table cloth is not only awesome because of the pattern and color, but it is stain proof and water proof. Seriously. Tomato stains come right out, even when it has been on there for a few days. Liquids bead up and don't absorb into it. I bought my flowers at the farmers market, and I think I let them go too long without water, so they are a little sad and droopy. But I still like them.

This is our bed. You are seeing it in rare form: it is actually made. (I hate making beds. But I do it when I change the sheets.) I love my quilt. It does not fit my Cal King bed perfectly, but I love the colors, and I love my brown pillows (also from World Market) that I got to make it kind of come together. It's not too girly, but still with flowers on it. And because I am real, yes, my hanger and a pile of stuff is on the bed.

I love this chair. I love the color, I love that it goes with my bedding, and I love I got it on sale at World Market. This is my attempt to "decorate" my bedroom. I'm a slow mover. But I love what I have.

Here is our playroom. It is also in rare form: it is vacuumed and completely picked up. Considering it's a playroom.....anyway, I love the maps on the wall. We can easily find where dad is, where Blondie was born, where Superhero was born, all the places we've lived or visited. I wanted to be more creative with this space, but with it being a playroom where kids are quite literally bouncing off the walls, I stopped with the maps.

And there is the extent of my "decorating". I am so used to moving after only a year, I hesitate to do too much to the walls because I'll just have to take it down. For the first time in about five years, we'll be in one house for more than a year. It's a new experience for all of us. I'm just excited we don't have to pack up and move yet again.
disclaimer: if you ever come to my house please to not expect it to actually look like this. there are usually toys, papers and various other things that are strewn about. this was a rare moment when the whole house was picked up and looking nice. :)

Friday, July 23, 2010

What a girl needs

I am a woman. A woman who has a pretty decent level of self esteem. Who usually isn't one of those people that really need those around them to tell them multiple times that they look good. Usually, if Blondie compliments me ("mommy i love your dress") I figure I'm pretty good. Or if Superhero says that my shoes go with my outfit. (Sad when you don't have a full length mirror and you have to rely on small children to let you know if your outfit is ok.)

My husband has been gone for an entire year. Some spouses find it helpful to talk about things. Some do not. My husband is one that as a coping device, does not talk about certain things while he has been gone. Which I get. And have done my best to respect and not push him on certain things. For example, I have been trying to suggest us going away without children once he is home. Not only does he refuse to talk about locations, or even a yes or no, but is not able to think past him coming home, so that he can cope.

Which means, that I have gone almost this entire year with him not complimenting me, or telling me I look good, and even those special moments a husband and a wife get. I thought I would be fine. I didn't realize what a hit my self esteem would take. When he is home, he lets me know that he is still attracted to me, that he loves me, in all kinds of ways. Now, all I get is a daily "I love you", and when I try to push a few things, a "we'll talk about it when I get home". It's enough to drive a person that processes things by talking to distraction. And you can't blame the guy. He has to do what he has to do. Just the same as I do here. (Like my compulsive staying up late, blogging, and my therapist.)

We are now nearing the end of this deployment. And the only thing that is on my mind is making signs, charging his new phone, buying him a basket for his shoes, and otherwise keeping myself busy so I don't lose my mind waiting for that phone call. Which, granted, because it is the Army, could be more than one phone call. But anyway.......I seriously cannot wait until he is home. I feel like a teenage girl when I think about him.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

This morning

I am thinking about an old friend.

I got an email from her husband who informed us that she has invasive carcinoma in one breast, and most likely has it in the other. This is a mother of five children. The youngest of which is the same age as my oldest.

I have never thought cancer was all the great before. But today I really hate it.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Why I can't sleep

It's 0130 and I am still up.

Not terribly tired. Slightly hungry.

Why am I still up??? Well, there are a million reasons for that. One big one: my husband is on my mind.

He will be home in just a few more weeks. I saw him last in April. And before that was last July. The transition period ahead of us scares me. There is actual data that says that the transition period can be worse than the deployment. I mean, there is no way to know until we're in it. But last year, after we had only been apart for four months, it was rough coming back together. The crap part was that we only had three months before he was gone again....hardly enough time to work on things and iron out issues.

I'm excited! I'm excited to have a husband again. To be married and do married things. Like date. Have him close enough to hold his hand. Watch him wrestle with his kids. Listen to him play and sing the same irritating song over and over again on his guitar.

In the mean time, we're getting together items for our single soldiers. They come home to and empty barracks room instead of a family. So, we get together some snacks, sheets, towels, soap and things while they sleep off the jet lag and then are able to get to the store.

So, here it is, now almost 0200 and I'm still not all that tired. It isn't always easy to go to bed when you are used to someone else being there. Sometimes I can put it out of my mind. But we're so close to the end, I feel pretty consumed with thoughts about him. I'll be out of my misery soon enough though. I get butterflies just thinking about it.........

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Isn't there a line somewhere???

A few weeks ago, not long after I had gotten to Southern California, my kids and I were going to the local Old Navy. I had gotten out of the car, and Blondie (my daughter, but not her real name) had gotten out. Superhero (my son, and obviously not his real name) was taking his sweet time getting out. Normally, Blondie would just stay near me or the car. This time, while my head was turned trying to get Superhero to move a little faster, she decided to go and stand right where cars drive. I did not see her do this. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a car, so I turn and look to make sure of where she is. When I see where she is, I grab her and pull her over to the side out of the way. By then, Superhero had finally gotten out of the car. We closed doors, locked the car, and started walking towards the store. The car was at the stop sign at the end of the parking row. As we get closer, she rolls down her passenger window and proceeds to yell at me. Because, according to this person, I am irresponsible because my daughter, who knows very well not to stand where she was (who, actually, had done it on purpose, because after the car had passed us ran right back out to stand there, where I grabbed her arm again and pulled her near me) was standing where the cars were driving. I don't even remember what else she said. Me, being in a not fantastic mood, do not react well to this. From what I recall, I said things like "Leave me alone" and "This is none of your business" and since I had seen a Sheriff as I was driving in I suggested I go find him and complain of her harassing me.

Here is my question: When is it appropriate to talk to a stranger about their children? I think it was pretty obvious that 1) Blondie is old enough to know better 2) that my attention was elsewhere at that moment and 3) when I realized what she was doing, I corrected the situation immediately. Many times while in the commissary or PX (which is very different when shopping at other stores. people will talk to me more frequently there than any other store I have ever been to.) other adults have said things to my children, like "you need to be good for your mom" or "don't you walk away from your mom". I have never been offended at anything anyone has said in those situations. Sometimes I have been grateful, as it has caused them to stop and think about what they are doing. Or, at least get them to stop crying, or screaming. I have said similar things to other children in stores or at parks. I have also heard of parents confronting or stopping other parents that are speeding through school parking lots at drop off or pick up times. Sigh. And the crappy part is that I know I will have to deal with this sort of thing again sometime.

What are your experiences on both ends? What have you found that works? And, what behavior by either parent or child do you feel constitutes crossing the line and saying something? Because the next time this happens, I am going to be prepared.

Thursday, July 1, 2010


So, this is my new blogging home.

Who am I? Well, I am about a million different pieces. I am LDS. I am an Army Wife. I am a mother. I am six feet tall. I like to talk. I have lots of opinions. I love Europe. I need lots of sun. I am not crafty at all. I do like to cross stitch. I like to buy and eat organic when I can. I am independent. I like reading. I do not like to garden. I do like to be outside. I am constantly battling the urge to be lazy. I am unorganized. I am a good friend. I am a good listener.

This isn't even the half of it.

But if you read here, you'll get to know the rest of it.