Unsettled

I felt very unsettled last night.

My husband turned on a movie. It was one I did not want to watch. It was also at the time that I would sit down after the kids went to bed and that it was my turn to watch my shows and cross stitch.

I want to get rid of the rolly chair that is currently at OUR new desk (because his computer on my dining room table was becoming more than I could handle so I made room on the table I bought while he was gone for my desk) and he wants to keep it.

It seems to be fall already here, when it was hardly summer.

He keeps loading the dishwasher wrong. Ok, it isn't wrong, just not the way I do it.

He hasn't put his clothes away that I put on his side of the bed. Ok, to be fair, I haven't put the kids clothes away either, but at least they are folded in their own baskets waiting, not piled somewhere.

The doctors office didn't put Blondie's last vaccinations on the yellow card and so now I have to call them which makes filling out the paperwork for her to register for school becomes that much more irritating. And I already hate filling out the vaccination form. I think the school nurse should do it because the whole darn thing is so confusing, especially when people have poor penmanship and I can't read what they wrote down.

For some reason, I can't seem to finish anything that I start. I can't finish cleaning the kitchen. I can't finish doing the laundry.

Our days have been pretty unstructured. Which is what summer is supposed to be. And generally, I am pretty unstructured, but my husband is even more than I am.

Truly, I'm mourning my loss of control over our lives. For a year I was the one that made the decisions, that was the one that drove the car, that made the dinners, was the disciplinarian, the grand pooba of every thing, so to speak. And now I have to share. I've never been very good at sharing. Just ask one of my 5 younger siblings how much I like to share.

Gosh I'm whiny today. I think I'll go for a run so that I feel better. It's crazy, but running does make me feel better. And I hate running. Really really hate it.

Things that have been good: a friend called me yesterday needing someone to talk to, looking for support. And it was, according to her, just what she needed. Even though I haven't talked to her for over a month and before that it was even longer, she knew she could call. Seriously, I love that. It warms my heart, and I feel that even though I'm completely unorganized, totally flaky sometimes, I AM able to listen, to help, and that they come away from our conversation feeling better. My husband has really been more helpful than he has ever been before. He is helpful with the dishes, helpful with cleaning up. He cleaned my shower. (which I just cannot do. Getting the hair out of the drain makes me puke. I know. It's my hair. In my head I can do it. I try to do it, and the dry heaves start.......) When there was an issue a few weeks ago (he was stressed about something, didn't tell me about it....classic lack of communication misunderstanding and all that) he took responsibility pretty darn fast and it did not stay an issue.

Things ARE good. Just feeling whiny. I should really stop typing and get to that run.