Sunday, August 8, 2010

Something I've noticed

Have you ever noticed, on Facebook and in conversation, how when someone shares their opinion OR they share something that they feel strongly about OR share a personal story, the person that is listening or reading almost always takes it personally and does one of two things: they share a story similar to the first story or start to defend themselves in why they don't do the same.

It drives me nuts. And I hate that I do it too, without really realizing.

But it does get me thinking. Why do we do this? Why can we not just listen to the other persons story and allow them the opportunity to just share?? Also, why do we hear the choices or opinions of others and instantly think that they are somehow a judgment on us? And take them way too personally?

What have I done to change this? Well, when someone calls and needs to talk, I do my best to turn on my 'therapist' and listen. I ask questions about how they feel, what are they worried about, and those sorts of things. I do my best to not say a word about my experiences that may be the same, but just leave it to something like 'I know how that feels and it's terrible'. And if I don't, I don't. They have a right to this moment. It isn't about me, and sometimes I have a hard time separating that.

Do you do this? I know I do. I also hate it when others do it to me.

New goals: be less judgmental. ask permission to give advice. listen.


  1. I like the "ask permission to give advice" I need to remember that. I've been having similar thoughts about facebook and twitter and blogs in general

  2. That's so insightful. I'm going to give that some thought.

  3. Wow! I do that all the time. It's a good idea to "turn the therapist" on and just listen.