Friday, July 23, 2010

What a girl needs

I am a woman. A woman who has a pretty decent level of self esteem. Who usually isn't one of those people that really need those around them to tell them multiple times that they look good. Usually, if Blondie compliments me ("mommy i love your dress") I figure I'm pretty good. Or if Superhero says that my shoes go with my outfit. (Sad when you don't have a full length mirror and you have to rely on small children to let you know if your outfit is ok.)

My husband has been gone for an entire year. Some spouses find it helpful to talk about things. Some do not. My husband is one that as a coping device, does not talk about certain things while he has been gone. Which I get. And have done my best to respect and not push him on certain things. For example, I have been trying to suggest us going away without children once he is home. Not only does he refuse to talk about locations, or even a yes or no, but is not able to think past him coming home, so that he can cope.

Which means, that I have gone almost this entire year with him not complimenting me, or telling me I look good, and even those special moments a husband and a wife get. I thought I would be fine. I didn't realize what a hit my self esteem would take. When he is home, he lets me know that he is still attracted to me, that he loves me, in all kinds of ways. Now, all I get is a daily "I love you", and when I try to push a few things, a "we'll talk about it when I get home". It's enough to drive a person that processes things by talking to distraction. And you can't blame the guy. He has to do what he has to do. Just the same as I do here. (Like my compulsive staying up late, blogging, and my therapist.)

We are now nearing the end of this deployment. And the only thing that is on my mind is making signs, charging his new phone, buying him a basket for his shoes, and otherwise keeping myself busy so I don't lose my mind waiting for that phone call. Which, granted, because it is the Army, could be more than one phone call. But anyway.......I seriously cannot wait until he is home. I feel like a teenage girl when I think about him.

1 comment:

  1. This is so Joe. A more extreme version, with your hubs coping with a nuts life, but still---- for another girl who copes/processes life by talking it out, having a taciturn Joe is maddening.

    Hugs to you!!