Throw it out

We have been a lot of places since my husband deployed.  And I've had the opportunity of observing different homes, different friends, and just different ways of life.  It has gotten me thinking about how I live and how my family lives. 

I don't like it.

I hate all this stuff.

My grandma grew up during the great depression, and she kept a lot of stuff.  And my mom would never say she was materialistic, but I would say that she was.  And even in my efforts to not be that way.....I seem to be following that path.  And I am really hating it. 

But here is the yucky honest truth:  I like nice things.  I like nice pretty things.  But I am not terribly organized.  So my house is a mess.  But I don't want a messy house.  But I like pretty stuff.......see how it keeps going around in a circle...............

So I was at my BFF's house.  I asked if she had a small cutting board we could use to take to the lake with us.  She said no, she didn't, she only had one of every thing.  One.  Of every thing.  I'm not foolish enough to think that I'm going to get to that point in a week, or month, or even a year.  But I can start, a shelf or a drawer at a time.  And then a room at a time.  She has even been using Dr. Bronners castile soap rather than having 7 different bottles in the shower.  It inspires me.  I breathe in and allow their examples of order, of less things, of how they deal with their children, of their relationships between them and how they work together.....

This is a great time for this too.  After being on my PPD medication for almost a year, I'm finally feeling like myself, but a bit better than my old self.  I feel emotionally healthy, and I think that is a big reason why I feel the need to get rid of all the clutter around me. 

So, I have a plan.  It is a bit loose, but with 3 kids and just regular life, it has to be loose.  I am hoping to give each room a week.  Hang stuff on the walls, go through and get rid of stuff we don't need, organize what is left, and make the furniture work for the room.  Some rooms may need more than a week, and others less.  So I think it will all work out. 

I'll keep you posted.

Well

It is 1:15am.  Why the heck am I awake?  Good question.  This is what happens when my husband is deployed.  I stay up way too late. 

Tonight I am thinking about my house.  My house.  Since we've been here, I've been in a funk.  First I was just too pregnant to really do much else but unpack the best I could and do the basics.  Well, It has been a year, and my medication is awesome.  I can think about things clearly, and rather than get immediately overwhelmed about even something as simple as cleaning a bathroom, I want to take on crafting projects.  CRAFTING!!!!  Well, crafty for me. 

And I've been thinking about how I want to decorate and what kind of furniture, and when (because it will happen.  because this kitchen is freaking ridiculous) we remodel the kitchen how I want it to be, and when we finally pull up the carpet in the dining room (idiotic!!!  carpet in a dining room!!!) and put down wood floors.  What color I want to paint the walls.....

But.  I had this freaking awesome idea about this random shelf space above our closets.  It is kind of hard to describe, so I'll take some before and after pictures and post them.  But. I am REALLY excited about what I'm going to do.  And it is simple enough that I could do it without anyone helping me!  Well, as long as J (the baby's new pseudonym) is sleeping, I should be able to do it.  I really want to do it this week!!!  I think I just might be able to do it. 

Last deployment, I wanted to overcome my fear of yeast, and learn how to bake bread from scratch.  Yeah, that didn't happen.  So, this time around, I'm not going to set any specific goals like that.  I know it is hard to measure, but I just want to be a better me.  Which involves much smaller goals, like making my bed every day.  Or keeping the front living room picked up, or not yelling at my kids when I really really want to.  Better at organizing, and getting rid of stuff we don't use or need. 

So, there you go.  And now I'm going to go turn off the Shahs of Sunset (watching BRAVO is like watching a train wreck.  you know it's awful and bad, and yet YOU STILL WATCH!!!!  ugh) and brush my teeth and go to bed.  And think about all the awesome things I'm going to do. 

This poor neglected blog. 

We are looking straight into another deployment.  This one is in a safer place than, say, Afghanistan, and it is also shorter. 

And I need a place to come to say what is on my mind.  It won't always be pretty, it won't always be kind.  But with a baby around, writing in my journal isn't going to be so easy to do.  So I have a goal to post more often.  Not post every day, or every week.  Just more often.  I have a feeling I will need it.