In the kitchen when the kids are in bed

Me: I have my MP3 player on my arm, with only one of the earphones in, listening. I am cleaning up the kitchen (which is a disaster).

Husband: Comes down the stairs and is doing his nightly vitamin/supplement thing behind me.

Me: Occasionally, I dance to the song I happen to be listening to. Which just happened to be the Glee version of Bust a Move. (how do you not dance to that?)

Husband: Not seeing I have one earphone in asks me"Um, are you listening to something?" as he watches me dance a little bit more. (the ear he see's is the one without the earphone in it.)

Me: "Uh, yeah."

Husband: "Good. I thought you were going crazy there for a minute."

Here's what I'm going to do

Both my kids will be starting school soon (hooray!) and I've been thinking about what I'm going to do with both of them gone all day. While watching TV, cross stitching, eating treats, getting pedicures, and spending hours at the gym sounds very tempting-and which I still will occasionally do-I've come up with a better use of my time.

I have some friends. One that is involved with this non profit, and another friend who founded and now runs this orphanage for this non profit. (he's the blond in the picture) Between those two things, plus my growing desire to do some good in the world, I have decided to find ways to help out my local community. We have both Eagles and Lions in our small town. Plus a food bank, thrift store, and I'm sure other things that I'm not aware of. My church also has a group that meets once a week to prepare and make humanitarian items for our church. (If all they are doing is sewing, I may have to rethink that one, but I'll find other ways to help.) I need to get involved in a little of this stuff.

I am also hoping to help out with my kids classrooms. I have never helped before, and now that I don't have to worry about getting a sitter, I am going to hopefully be able to help out with each of their classes.

There is a time and a season for all things. My season right now is to mostly be a parent to my children. But that doesn't mean I can't fit in a few other things, right?

Just the smell of them

Every summer, for my entire life up until I left to go on a mission to France, we went to our family reunion. It was the same time of year, in the same place. Fresno, CA.

Have you ever driven the 5 through central California?? As you go north on the 5 and get over the grapevine, all you see are farms. Almond trees. And I'm sure other nut trees. Grapevines. I don't even know all of them.

At the family reunion, we had fresh peaches and fresh cantaloupe with every meal. When we needed tomatoes, they were also fresh. And I mean not just from the store. They would go to the farm to get them. Glorious red onions. The smell of fresh late summer fruit always reminds me of the reunion. But I hate peaches. (My mother bought 5 lugs one year. We had them in our van the entire drive home. Then in the heat of August in Southern California in a house that did not have AC, we had to help her can all 5 lugs. I think even my underwear smelled like peaches that day.)

Yesterday I ran to the store to pick up a few things. As I walked through the produce section, I smelled that familiar smell. And I just couldn't help it. I came home with quarter of a watermelon, a cantaloupe, a honeydew, a few white peaches, red plums, and red grapes. I had gone to the store just to get some romaine and milk.

We had the melons with our dinner last night and they were so good.

I couldn't make it to the reunion this year. I went last year for the first time in about 6 years. Kind of hoping we make it next year. Want to keep up the tradition.

Unsettled

I felt very unsettled last night.

My husband turned on a movie. It was one I did not want to watch. It was also at the time that I would sit down after the kids went to bed and that it was my turn to watch my shows and cross stitch.

I want to get rid of the rolly chair that is currently at OUR new desk (because his computer on my dining room table was becoming more than I could handle so I made room on the table I bought while he was gone for my desk) and he wants to keep it.

It seems to be fall already here, when it was hardly summer.

He keeps loading the dishwasher wrong. Ok, it isn't wrong, just not the way I do it.

He hasn't put his clothes away that I put on his side of the bed. Ok, to be fair, I haven't put the kids clothes away either, but at least they are folded in their own baskets waiting, not piled somewhere.

The doctors office didn't put Blondie's last vaccinations on the yellow card and so now I have to call them which makes filling out the paperwork for her to register for school becomes that much more irritating. And I already hate filling out the vaccination form. I think the school nurse should do it because the whole darn thing is so confusing, especially when people have poor penmanship and I can't read what they wrote down.

For some reason, I can't seem to finish anything that I start. I can't finish cleaning the kitchen. I can't finish doing the laundry.

Our days have been pretty unstructured. Which is what summer is supposed to be. And generally, I am pretty unstructured, but my husband is even more than I am.

Truly, I'm mourning my loss of control over our lives. For a year I was the one that made the decisions, that was the one that drove the car, that made the dinners, was the disciplinarian, the grand pooba of every thing, so to speak. And now I have to share. I've never been very good at sharing. Just ask one of my 5 younger siblings how much I like to share.

Gosh I'm whiny today. I think I'll go for a run so that I feel better. It's crazy, but running does make me feel better. And I hate running. Really really hate it.

Things that have been good: a friend called me yesterday needing someone to talk to, looking for support. And it was, according to her, just what she needed. Even though I haven't talked to her for over a month and before that it was even longer, she knew she could call. Seriously, I love that. It warms my heart, and I feel that even though I'm completely unorganized, totally flaky sometimes, I AM able to listen, to help, and that they come away from our conversation feeling better. My husband has really been more helpful than he has ever been before. He is helpful with the dishes, helpful with cleaning up. He cleaned my shower. (which I just cannot do. Getting the hair out of the drain makes me puke. I know. It's my hair. In my head I can do it. I try to do it, and the dry heaves start.......) When there was an issue a few weeks ago (he was stressed about something, didn't tell me about it....classic lack of communication misunderstanding and all that) he took responsibility pretty darn fast and it did not stay an issue.

Things ARE good. Just feeling whiny. I should really stop typing and get to that run.

Books books books

A strange thing happened while my husband was deployed-I couldn't read books. I tried, but no matter what book it was, I could not finish it or even stick with reading it for more than a chapter or two. I have no idea why or what was going on.

He has been home for a few weeks now, and even before he came home, I was able to read. I think I even finished a book!

Tonight was a book group that I was invited to join. It isn't connected with our church (thank goodness!) and it is just friends getting together to read. Our list is pretty good. I've read a few of them, and I'm excited to read books and get to discuss them! I will try and post my book reviews each month. And, I'm sure I'll read more than just 12 books this year. I've got way more than 12 in my stack waiting for me to start. And a few that I need to finish.....

First up, These is my words. I'm off to Amazon now.....

Have you ever been here?

I love this place. Yeah, there is a lot of fish being thrown about, and you can smell it from a mile away. But look at those flowers. I bought a beautiful bunch for $5.

I went up there on Monday and met an old missionary companion for a girls day in the city! It was so stinkin fun. We had french food for lunch, found a mostly french patisserie, and ate gelato. We shopped at the local Nordstrom Rack, people watched, struck up conversations in stores and restaurants with complete strangers, drove across the floating bridge...and the most important was there were no children with us!! Well, she had her youngest, but infants don't really count. We shopped at H&M near the university, met up with another girl from our mission for a bit, and were shocked at price tags in Anthropologie.

It was a GREAT day. I cannot wait to do it again.

Something I've noticed

Have you ever noticed, on Facebook and in conversation, how when someone shares their opinion OR they share something that they feel strongly about OR share a personal story, the person that is listening or reading almost always takes it personally and does one of two things: they share a story similar to the first story or start to defend themselves in why they don't do the same.

It drives me nuts. And I hate that I do it too, without really realizing.

But it does get me thinking. Why do we do this? Why can we not just listen to the other persons story and allow them the opportunity to just share?? Also, why do we hear the choices or opinions of others and instantly think that they are somehow a judgment on us? And take them way too personally?

What have I done to change this? Well, when someone calls and needs to talk, I do my best to turn on my 'therapist' and listen. I ask questions about how they feel, what are they worried about, and those sorts of things. I do my best to not say a word about my experiences that may be the same, but just leave it to something like 'I know how that feels and it's terrible'. And if I don't, I don't. They have a right to this moment. It isn't about me, and sometimes I have a hard time separating that.

Do you do this? I know I do. I also hate it when others do it to me.

New goals: be less judgmental. ask permission to give advice. listen.